I consciously observe the laws of the land. I even use cruise control when I travel so that I don’t creep over the speed limit. I do so, not because I’m afraid of getting caught, but rather because I know that civilized society functions better when its citizens respect one another.
However, I don’t like people telling me what I “must” do. I especially don’t like anyone telling me what I must believe. I particularly bristle whenever I encounter anyone who says that there are only two ways to go: his way or the wrong way. The more persistent the pitch, the more resistant I become. Let a salesman become pushy and I will automatically say “no.” Give me time to study all of the pros and cons, and I may consider your request. I’m like the mother who told her children the first time that they tried to talk to her while she was on the telephone. “If you need an answer now, it’s ‘no.’ If you can wait until I complete my conversation, we’ll discuss your request.”
Why do we call a certain age, The Terrible Twos? These toddlers have not only learned to say “no,” but they do so with the stomp of a foot. However, when our children were young, I feared their first year the most. I had to be alert at all times they were awake to prevent any accident. Like mothers everywhere, I also checked on them when they were sleeping. During that first year of their lives, they certainly heard “no” often enough. By the time they turned two and began to tell me “no,” I could still pick them up and carry them where I wanted them to be.
As adults, we pride ourselves when we finally learn to say “no” to another demand on our time. If we don’t learn that lesson, we discover that we have forfeited any quality time left for ourselves and our families.
Therefore, I did a double take when I heard Rupert Holmes, best known as the composer/lyricist for “The Pina Colada Song” (“Escape”) say, “Early on, I learned to say ‘yes,’ and I’ve made a good living.”
Holmes, who was born in 1947 in England where his dad was bandleader with the U. S. military after World War II, explains that whenever anyone has asked him to try his hand at meeting their needs for a new song, a new score, new words, a new book, he agreed to try. Not once has he said, “I can’t do that. I don’t know how. It will take too long. I’m too busy.” He always gives any request his best effort and one success always leads to the next. Of course, he’s encountered failure along his journey, but he tries to turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Probably, the most recognizable success came when this composer, novelist and musician not only wrote the music, the lyrics and the story for the Broadway musical, “Edwin Drood,” he also won a Tony each for the music, the lyrics and the story of “Edwin Drood.” However, no one had asked him nor prodded him into this task. He had an idea, executed it and enjoyed not only the success of his musical, but also the fact that he had entertained many people. His list of credits is long, and he’s still saying “yes” whenever opportunity knocks.
There’s a good lesson in his philosophy for all of us who are well versed in the negative language. Each time we say “no” to an invitation, to a chore, to a request, a demand on our time, it becomes easier to say, “no.” Before long, we discover that no one is asking us to do anything - go to lunch, come to a party, be in line for a promotion. And each time, we feel passed over and the goodies go to someone else, a little bit of bitterness seeps into our heart. We ask, “Why them and not me?”
Recently, as I sat in the parking lot of a large business, I watched an employee, dressed in a company uniform and headed toward her workplace, walk pass all of the shopping carts randomly left in her path. She didn’t touch one because that wasn’t her job. Then, a customer came along and rolled one of the stray carts into the business.
Amazingly, the next customer gathered all the carts in the vicinity and pushed them to the nearest cart station. He left all but one which he, too, rolled into the store. By that one act of kindness, I knew the good samaritan was a successful human being.
Once again, I wondered why so many people are inconsiderate of others when it only takes a little effort to show respect like parking shopping carts in an appropriate space, and why do so many us want a specific job description so that we don’t do any more than is expected of us. Holmes always takes his positive attitude a step farther.
While he doesn’t turn down a legitimate request, neither does he just sit around and wait for requests to come along. He’s always working, composing, writing because he is driven to be productive.
Perhaps author Martin Vanbee says it best. “When opportunity knocks, you have to open the door yourself.”
2005
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