One day in a big box store, I was both seen and unseen.
As I walked down a long aisle, a middle aged man had parked his buggy next to boxes to be unpacked onto shelves. He stretched himself between the buggy and the items on the opposite side of the aisle as he read about a product he was searching for. He was totally oblivious to the fact that he had totally blocked the wide aisle. I didn’t want to interrupt his reading of the tiny print explaining the product so I waited. Eventually, he noticed he had me blocked and without a word, moved his cart. I proceeded a little beyond him to the merchandise I wanted.
However before I had begun to shop, I had stopped at the ladies restroom. As I approached, a woman much younger than I was ahead of me. Once she opened the door, she held it open for me to enter.
I thanked her and she replied, “It’s a heavy door.”
I smiled. “It is.”
We both entered.
Upon washing my hands before leaving, I noticed she was standing by the door. She smiled as she opened it and I stepped out.
“You are really kind to wait,” I said as we exited.
She smiled. “I was raised by my grandmother. She raised me to be kind.”
Again, I thanked her and we both went our separate ways. I never saw her again.
I want to be like the young woman who sees a perceived need and attends to it. I must admit that more than once I’ve been more like the man blocking the way because I, intent in my own purpose, tend to be oblivious to those around me.
These days, I am aware of simple courtesies extended to me primarily because of my age. And I am grateful. I appreciate doors being opened for me; offers to unload my arms of goods carried; invitations to move to the front of the line.
So much has been written and discussed about the value of random acts of kindness to both the recipient and to the giver. I’m always taken aback whenever I’m told that I can personally benefit from doing the “right thing.” I’ve long thought that when we extend a kindness only because we want to profit from it, we gain nothing. Therefore, I was surprised when I read that Yale professor, Dr. Laura Santos, through her popular “The Science of Well Being” class, is actually teaching her students how to be kind as part of a multi-prong tool for controlling their own anxiety and stress.
The American Psychiatric Association explains how being kind can assist. “Participating in acts of kindness helps the individuals with depression or anxiety to divert their attention from themselves and take their mind off their own symptoms. Reach search has also found that kindness can increase happiness and self-esteem, while decreasing stress.”
So, we all benefit in seeing one another, extending simple courtesies and smiling. I know that being the recipient of frequent courtesies has made me more attentive to those around me. I now consciously try to keep my shopping cart pulled to the side of an aisle so someone else can pass. Likewise, I walk on one side of of an aisle so people in a hurry can pass easily.
A reader has written me that she and a friend enrolled in Santos’ free class. In reflecting on her first classes, she says, “It’s perfect for just this age and stage of life. Not only the teenagers—but also we oldies—can use a ‘happiness booster.’ The ‘rewirement’ exercises do make one more mindful of others and I think today’s world is missing a lot of that.”
With age, we slow down whether we want to or not. My schedule is no longer so tight that I must rush. I can wait.
However, I hold a door open whenever I leave an establishment if someone is behind me. But I no longer jump up and rush to open a door for another. And now, I’m consciously trying to stay alert to those around me.
Scott Adams, creator of the “Dilbert” cartoon, says, “Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”
2023
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