“Please call me when you get home.” I don’t know how many times I have made that statement to our children and grandchildren as they headed back to college, or later, to their own homes. And I waited for those calls. Still do, with our adult children whenever they travel. I know I am not the only parent who has made such requests.
Before modern technology with all its tracking systems, easy access, texting, we parents waited. Many a mother and I have talked about all the problems we have imagined before receiving that anticipated call. Sadly, some have had their fears come true.
And as I waited, I would often think about those mothers who watched their young adult children head westward as pioneers in covered wagons. Those parents knew they probably would never see their children again, and they may have waited a year or more for a hand written letter delivered perhaps by Pony Express. Some times, they never knew the fate of their young.
Much to our surprise, an adult grandson recently issued this familiar request to us. We had stopped to visit him in his new location with a new job. We met his bosses and colleagues. He toured us around Thomasville, dubbed the City of Roses. The historic district certainly adds to its beauty. And, we enjoyed fried catfish at his favorite restaurant, Jonah’s Fish and Grits. We were pleased with all that we saw and heard.
With his request for a phone call, I immediately became aware of role reversal. Our children and evidently our grandchildren are concerned for our safety. We’ve always let our adult children know when we return home from a trip. We even stay in touch when we’re traveling. But now, our grandchildren, too?
It’s a difficult transition from being parent watching over our own flock to be now watched over by the flock. But as he requested, I made my call as soon as we pulled into driveway. We were home safely. My call went to voice mail. And he called back later. We are touched that he cares.
With the recent death of Queen Elizabeth II, grandparents, grandmothers particularly, have been in the news. We learned that her grands and great grands either called her Granny or Gan Gan. And while I suppose grandchildren could have been left in her supervision over the years, I truly doubt that she ever changed diapers or even fed a baby a bottle. But from all accounts, she was a good listener and adviser. In 2012, Prince Harry told Katie Couric, that his grandmother, the Queen, “takes a huge interest in what we all do. She wants to know which charities we are supporting, how life is going in our jobs, as such.”
I would hope our grandchildren see us as good listeners and givers of good advice. Hopefully, we go light on the advice part unless our opinion is asked for.
Of course as I contemplated this new role, memories of my own beloved Grandmother, whom I called Grandmother, overpowered me. Since she lived with us from the time I was three years old, she was the only babysitter I ever had. And as a great grandmother, she looked after our daughter on rare occasions. But after my mother remarried and moved away from Dallas, Grandmother and I developed an even closer relationship. The three of us, grandmother, granddaughter and great granddaughter, often lunched together.
Recent studies, especially out of Boston College, show that reciprocal relationships between grandparents and adult grandchildren benefit both. Reciprocal is the key word; each giving and receiving without protest. Like respect, such relationships must be two-way streets.
Perhaps American author Richard Bach says it best, “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”
So when asked, phone home or text…please.
2022
Comments