Last month, a friend, a retired teacher, had a chance encounter with a former student. They enjoyed a brief moment of catching up on each other’s news. Then the former student introduced his new bride.
Upon realizing that she was talking with her husband’s favorite high school English teacher, the young woman said, “I want to thank you for helping me write my college essays.”
To say the least, the teacher was puzzled; she had never met, much less taught, this young woman, ever. The bride went on to explain that her husband had tutored her, using many of the educator’s techniques, in writing her college papers. She had aced every one.
Wow! We teachers certainly appreciate whenever former students decide they want to teach. They may or may not acknowledge a teacher who inspired them the most. And when they adapt a former teacher’s lessons to make them their own, a teacher has to be proud.
But when a former student, who has chosen a totally different profession than teaching, knowingly uses lessons he has learned to help another, what a compliment to his teacher. And for the one tutored to have a chance to share that information with the teacher, well, Wow! Indeed!
Hara Estrous Marano, writing for Psychology Today, calls a good compliment, “a little gift of love.”
Mark Twain once quipped, “I can live two months on a good compliment.”
Don’t we all appreciate when someone takes time to recognize or express sincere appreciation for something we’ve done? And aren’t we equally turned off by backhanded compliments where tone as well as words can feel like a slap in the face; the sales pitchy compliment with the intent to get us to do something we don’t really want to do; the too frequent gushy compliment which sounds pretentious.
Studies show that heartfelt compliments make recipients feel happier, pleased, and flattered. However, for both giver and recipient, it is equally important in the way the comment is received. Marano says,”There is only one way to receive a compliment - graciously, with a smile."
Reader’s Digest, a few months back, listed “The 18 best compliments anyone can ever receive” by Stacey Feintuch. In her research, participants often explained why receiving such compliment made such a difference.
Heading this list is “You’re a great listener.” Essayist Henry David Thoreau agrees. Over a century ago, he said, “The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.”
We all want people to listen to us; however unfortunately, our busy minds don’t always want to stop to listen to another. At times, some people really need someone just to listen to them. Period. Without any further comment.
The list ends with some favorites, “You’re always smiling,” You inspire me,” “I have faith in you,” “You’re an amazing advocate,” “You were raised right,” “You’re like coming home,” “You’re not afraid to ask questions,” and “I admire you.”
As much as kind words can enhance anyone’s day, I’m convinced that compliments delivered by a third person often magnifies the impact. Most of us have been touched when a friend shares a kind comment about us from a mutual acquaintance. And then there are those who mail an author a positive review written about his work. Or what about a voice from the past who says that our former English teacher would be proud of our latest accomplishment? Or, how about a young bride thanking a teacher she never studied under because one of that teacher’s former students took the language arts lessons to heart?
Let your mind wander a bit now. Think of a sincere compliment you’ve received recently. Smile. Even the memory makes us smile. Now let your mind wander a bit more. Isn’t there someone you’ve been meaning to compliment? Pick up the phone or drop him/her a note. Let us not wait until it’s too late to share “a little gift of love.”
2022
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