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Writer's pictureJamie Denty

The Discipline of Gratitude

Updated: Apr 18, 2018


And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. Matthew 26:26-28


How often have we Christians heard these words at a communion service? How often have we taken notice of two words - “gave thanks”?


According to Henri J. M. Nouwen, Catholic priest and author, “Jesus always gave thanks.” How can thanksgiving be the message for Easter? How can it not? Easter brings far more than spring flowers, colorful eggs, challenging hunts, new clothes. It presents the gift of new life.


During the last deluge of presidential campaigns, political debates, town hall meetings, negative ads, endless commentaries, I heard one candidate mention how receiving a small book, The Return of the Prodigal Son by Nouwen, introduced a new philosophy - “the discipline of gratitude.”


Impressed by the candidate’s narrative about the book’s message, I sought a copy for myself. According to Nouwen, not only do all our obvious blessings merit the giving of thanks, but also we must choose to turn away from those stumbling blocks of negative attitudes.


The theologian writes, “Gratitude goes beyond the 'mine' and 'thine' and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love.”


This concept of “discipline of gratitude” is an ongoing theme throughout many of his books. In Spiritual Foundation, Nouwen writes, “The opposite of resentment is gratitude. Gratitude is more than an occasional ‘thanks be to God.’ Gratitude is the attitude that enables us to let go of anger, receive the hidden gifts of those we want to serve and make these gifts visible to the community.”


In other words, the discipline of gratitude runs far deeper than making lists of ten items one is grateful for each day and storing them in a jar. While such actions can be starting points, gratitude stored out of sight is gratitude out of mind.


Nouwen continues, “I can choose to be grateful when I am criticized, even when my heart still responds in bitterness. I can choose to speak about goodness and beauty, even when my inner eye still looks for someone to accuse or something to call ugly. I can choose to listen to the voices that forgive and to look at the faces that smile, even while I still hear words of revenge and see grimaces of hatred.”


Story behind the story

Nouwen tells about how this book came to be. The author, a former theology professor at both Notre Dame University and Harvard University, had just completed a grueling six-week speaking tour when he sat in a friend’s office in their native Holland. She encouraged him to consider the position of priest at L’Arche of Toronto, one of 100 such facilities offering a home to handicapped adults.


However as she talked, he was mesmerized by a poster on her door. When he asked about it, she explained that it was a print of the famed “The Return of the Prodigal Son,”by Dutch artist Rembrandt, 1669. This dramatic work in oil depicts the Biblical parable of the prodigal son returning home after squandering his inheritance, of the older brother’s resentment of his sibling and the gratitude of the father to have both sons home safe.


Of course, Nouwen secured his own poster, but he also took an opportunity to view the original masterpiece on display in St. Petersburg, Russia. For four hours, he sat and reflected on every inch of the work. Because friends had arranged for him to bypass the crowds, he sat in one of the red viewing chairs. As the sunlight shifted, he shifted the chair, only to have a guard tell him that he could not move the furniture. So he sat on the floor, but the guard said he couldn’t do that either. When the curator, who had arranged his viewing, was notified, he had an oversized stuffed chair brought in for the priest to move anywhere he sought fit. Everyone, including the guard, was happy.


As Nouwen studied the work, he realized that he was not only the prodigal son, but also the resentful elder brother. He was also reminded that he, as a priest, must also assume the role of compassionate father. As he had transitioned from physical position to physical position to view the painting, he also shifted from being the younger son who seeks the peace of home to the elder son who fails to appreciate his home to the father who personifies the discipline of gratitude.


Nouwen writes, “Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. It’s amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of complaint...there is an Estonian proverb that says, ‘Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.’"


Let us, too, choose gratitude.

2016

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