Several years ago, after I had handed a cashier $20 for a $10.64 purchase, I fumbled in my coin purse for exact change. I came up with 63 cents; and with no more pennies, I was looking for a nickel when the lady behind me reached forward and handed the cashier enough money for my entire purchase. I remember that I had really wanted to reduce the huge amount of change weighing down my pocketbook.
Totally surprised by the woman’s actions, I thanked her. Secretly, I surmised that she was in a hurry and this little old lady was delaying her. However, in the sense of paying it forward, I looked for ages for a chance to reach out to someone else. The opportunity didn’t present itself, and I ended up sending a check to a favorite charity. Paying it forward. Done.
Recently in a store out of town, opportunity stood up and shouted at me. All of the check out lines were long. After selecting the “shortest,” we finally worked our way to second in line.
The lady ahead of me used her debit card which came up short 66 cents. She began to fumble for money in her purse. I already had my coin purse in my hand to pay my bill. I pulled out two quarters, a dime, a nickel and a penny and paid the cashier. The customer looked at me with genuine surprise and thanked my profusely. She was stilling looking for money to repay me. I told her to pay it forward whenever she saw the need. She smiled and thanked me again. And as she departed the store, she turned back and nodded at me. On the last leg of my trip home after a long day, I found myself surprisingly refreshed.
I didn’t step in thinking I was being kind. In fact, I was tired and just wanted to check out, probably much the same way the lady who paid my bill felt. But I saw a situation which was difficult for both customer and cashier, and I knew I had the solution in my hand. However, the customer’s genuine appreciation has made me reflect about that exchange more than once.
Kindness. We think of it in terms of what we can do for someone else. Usually, if we go out of our way to be kind, we feel good about it. I wrote about kindness as a gift for Valentine’s Day.
However, Dr. David Hamilton, an organic chemist from Scotland turned “kindness” author, explains what being kind does to our physical bodies. He was recently featured on CBS “Sunday Morning.”
“We’re genetically wired to be kind. It’s actually our deepest identity. It’s when we’re not being kind that it’s unhealthy. It’s when we’re not being kind that we feel separate and we feel disconnected and we feel unhappy and something is out of sorts,” says the man who worked for four years in the pharmaceutical industry developing drugs for cardiovascular disease and cancer. Inspired by the placebo effect within testing, he left the industry to educate people about harnessing mind and emotions to improve health. He doesn’t dispute the value of medicines to cure illnesses. Rather, he wants us to change attitudes before we might need those beneficial drugs.
According to this scientist, now the author of nine books on this topic, kindness actually changes the internal biochemistry of our bodies.”It’s the opposite of stress,” he says.
And then, he addresses the cynics who say that if we are kind because it makes us feel good, then it is selfish in nature and therefore worthless.
He responds, “When we help someone, we align our actions with our core identity…kindness doesn’t just make us feel good, it reveals joy…It’s when we’re not being kind that it’s unhealthy.”
The next time we extend an act of kindness, let us pause for a moment to check how we feel. The good feeling of kindness is not a smug one boasting “look at how good I am,” but rather a quietening stillness that permeates throughout our entire being.
2018
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